Ranking FEBRUARY in Film (Spoiler Free)

Introduction

I believe I said I would be better at my reviews in February. I can tell you now that it was all an elaborate ruse to distract you from the fact that it was me stealing the milk from the fridge. Ha! Unlimited cereals for me you stupid yogurt pots! Anyway….

05. Journey’s End

A story that was written for the stage and should have stayed there. I saw this film without the prior knowledge of this but could tell throughout nonetheless. There just isn’t enough for it to be translated into a film. The cast is miscast and to me Asa Butterfield just can’t carry a story meaning I was thinking of what I was going to eat after the film finally finished. 2/5

04. Black Panther

I don’t know about this shit anymore. Marvel are just becoming a shitty parody of themselves. Not every film needs to be Guardians of the Galaxy. I like the cast but they were all nothing special in this film. I hated the music which is a big down for me. Serkis was a stand out but he more-or-less always is. Looked as fake as The Greatest Showman. 2.5/5

03. The Cloverfield Paradox

Now, I respect what they were going for, but the hammer missed the nail and hit the thumb causing large amounts of pain and bruising. It is a fact that this film was altered to become a Cloverfield film when they realised how much it missed the beat. Good cast giving decent performances and I do love a confusing sci-fi film but… it was a paradox itself. 2.75/5

02. I, Tonya

Figure skating has never been more entertaining or vulgar. Entertaining is the best way I can describe this film. Robbie and Janney were good, but Stan and Hauser were the biggest surprise. Hauser portrayed Shawn with such a sickly style that I wanted just the worst to happen to him… or just Jeff (Stan) to punch him in the face. Solid. Wouldn’t buy it but I could see myself watching it if it comes on OD. 4/5

01. The Shape Of Water

*applause*. Guillermo Del Toro always manages to take the original and put a fantastic and satisfying spin on it. Fantasy in WWII for Pans Labyrinth was translated into a romance of modern times. It is easy to look at this film and judge it solely on its subtext but what is on top is what’s great. There is a black and white bit that threw me off but then we go back to Shannon and everything is lovely once again… wonderful. 4/5

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