Worst Cinema Experiences 

Introduction

If you have read my most recent review you will know that that was my 100th post on this blog. It has been almost a year since I started this thing and I wanted to do a special article on my favourite film ever. However, due to a certain experience at my screening of Free Fire I had to draw the line somewhere. The cinema experience is dying. Not because of VoD or torrents but because of people. Just three months into 2017 I have had (to my memory) 5 horrible cinema experiences. So for my 101st post, here they are for you just so you can understand.

Logan 

This is undoubtedly one of the best comic book films, one of the most re-watchable films and one of the most personal films I have ever seen. Luckily my first viewing of this film was perfect. My second? Not so much. All the way through a couple aged 35 – 45 were literally and quite clearly just talking. Then when she just had to go get a drink, she would fiddle through her loud as shit (not overreacting) purse to get her cash and world then leave, shining the torch on her phone, not at the ground to see where she’s going (understandable), but right at me and my mates face and the rest of our row. She did this twice along with talking with her partner all the way through the film. But did I say anything? No. Did I tell anyone? No.

Logan 

No this is not a typing error. I have been to see this film four times in the cinema as of today and 2/4 of these experiences have been ruined. As soon as these kids walked in to my 3rd viewing, I knew I was fucked. But the whole thing was going well until the character of Bobby (played by Bryant Tardy) came on. They burst out into almost hysterically every time he was on screen. These kids must have been only just old enough to get into the cinema and they were damn disrespectful to everyone else in the audience and to Bryant who did a great job. But did I say anything? No. Did I tell anyone? No.

John Wick: Chapter 2

This film surprised the hell out of me. Really enjoyed it. However, I did not enjoy the young couple who might as well have been full on ‘doing it’ just a few seats down the row where me and my dad were sat. He was talking to her. She was on her phone. Why the fuck do you bother coming to watch the film?! It’s pathetic. You’ve paid for this ticket and not watching the film?! You are playing yourself and annoying the shit out of me and my dad who I thank for his patience. Utter dickheads. But did I say anything? No. Did I tell anyone? No.

Free Fire

This is the latest cinematic experience disaster I have had, occurring just 2 days ago. I go into the cinema, screen 16 which is one of the smallest screens in my local multiplex. Sat in screen. To add insult to injury I forgot my glasses so now I’m in for a blurry 90 mins but I will push on. Going good so far. ‘Bout 1/5 into the film. Yeeees. Oh. Of course. A young couple of which the male insists on describing everything which occurs on screen. I’m sorry, I didn’t realise I purchased a ticket for an AD screening. Not only AD, but live AD. Thank you good sir. Now would you kindly leave the theatre and walk out into middle of the road and just wait for a car. Maybe a truck. Who knows you may even be struck my lighting or the ground will open up and swallow you whole. Just letting you know you’d be a better use doing that than what you’re doing right now. Should’ve said that to the guy really. But did I say anything? No. Did I tell anyone? No.

Hacksaw Ridge

Now. This is by far the most disgusting cinema experience I have ever had. Hacksaw Ridge follows the true story of Pfc. Desmond Doss, who won the Congressional Medal of Honor despite refusing to bear arms during WWII on religious grounds. Doss was drafted and ostracized by fellow soldiers for his pacifist stance but went on to earn respect and adoration for his bravery, selflessness and compassion after he risked his life without firing a shot to save 75 men in the Battle of Okinawa. What a story to tell and what a bunch of scrum I had the displeasure of seeing this film with. Laughing. Laughing at the film. How fucking inconsiderate and disrespectful can you be. To me and the rest of the audience. To the filmmakers. To the people who offered up their lives so that we/ they could have theirs. The end of the film shows some small interviews of real soldiers who fought alongside Desmond Doss. Out of any time in the film to be quiet this is that time. What do they do? They laugh. And one member of this group of 18 year old pricks decides to walk half way out the screen before yawning as loud and as physically as he can in front of the whole theatre before someone finally loses it and tells the cunt to “shut up”! To which the cunt replies (and I quote) “Who you talking to fam”? Really? Oh I don’t know maybe the little bastard who’s been seeking attention the entire runtime of this (might I add) good film. Anyway he then left followed by his mates and we all got one or two minutes of silence before the film ended. Did I say anything? No. Did I tell anyone? No.

Conclusion 

But did I say anything? No. Did I tell anyone? No. Why? I paid to watch this film. I want to watch this film. I’m enjoying this film. I should be able to go to the cinema and watch a film without anyone distracting me. A member of staff should be stood at the bottom and/ or top of each screening room to look out for people like those I have tolerated. A simple hand up and a point would point the member of staff in the direction of the simpletons and then they will shut up or be removed. More jobs here. People! Please listen! Please be respectful!The cinema experience is dying. Not because of VoD or torrents but because of people. Here’s to a nice quiet year of cinema.

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