Blair Witch – Review (Spoiler Free)


Back in 1999 (the greatest year of which I was bestowed upon this Earth) Heather, Michael and Josh went missing in a woods of name I can’t remember. It is now 2016 and Heather’s brother James has a had enough and wishes to go into the woods and seek any sign of his sister so the police will re-open the case to the investigation of Heather’s disappearance with some of his friends. Needless to say sh!t goes down…


Callie Hernandez who plays Lisa in the film is by far the best part of the film. Her performance throughout most of the film was good but it was towards the end of the film when she truly shined and showed off her talents as an actress. I felt her fear and was trembling with her. She shines far more than the other actresses that I can’t help but think that maybe Heather should have had a sister which should have been Lisa… But that doesn’t detract from her performance which is great did I say?

Usually found footage is often seen as the devils work when it comes to films. I don’t dislike it as much as everyone else and have found it to be rather effective seen as the only horror film I have watched so far in my life that I cant watch due to me being too scared is Paranormal Activity. I hate that film for good reason. Blair Witch comes as a close seconds with its use of found footage. It really did make me shiver with every twist and turn through the woods. I wanted to cover my eyes but I did well.

Can we please all have a round of applause for the last 30 minutes of this film. It was amazing. It went somewhere I never even considered it would go and it was damn good and damn scary as damn hell. It was so good and I can’t even talk about it without ruining the film. It corrected controversial things from the first and brought new ones into play that left my jaw wide open. I said to myself while it was happening “It’s not real” and I’m not even joking. I was sh!tting it! I wish I could talk about it 😥


Peter. Peter, Peter, Peter. I don’t know what it was but he was really p!ssing me off. Maybe its because I hate those kinds of people irl. I just didn’t like his character as he did feel a little cartoonish. I suppose everyone had a small element of cartoon about them. There was the protagonist, the virgin, the jock, the damsel and the weirdos. I guess all of them were a classic horror genre character but it was good ol’ Pete who managed to just p!ss me off. It I because I hate those kinds of people, nothing to do with the performance I have decided. Damn it Pete!

I have praised the final 30 minutes and now I shall slate the first hour! It was completely predictable and exactly like the first one. I knew everything was coming when it was coming. I called the rocks, I called the little stick men and may I also mention it was full of complete false scares. The final 30 minutes was filled to the brim with genuine tension and fright whereas the first hour was full of me going “Again. Again. Again. Again”. If the first half an hour was like the first hour and the final hour was like the final 30 minutes it would have been so damn close to a perfect found footage horror. Played it safe and paid the price.


However good the final part was, most of the film was predictable and even if the horror was at its best towards the end the ending was disappointing and though not predictable we have seen it before. And it was kind of lazy. It was in my opinion too much like TBWP and just can’t help but think how awesome it would be if it was all like the final 30 minutes. Plus there was that classic hilarious walkie talkie joke where they didn’t say over and they have to say over otherwise it doesn’t count and then they say over and all have a good giggle HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Fml…

Blair Witch – 3/5 (It’s a top 3 but it could’ve been 4)

And to those talking behind me and in front of me throughout the entire film… You will all find a nice pile of rocks in your bedrooms tonight HAHAHAHAHA! Fml…


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